As parents, all we can do is try to raise our children to become a happy person that will know how to make a living for themselves.
By giving the right directions. This is where we need to learn her tricks as quoted from Bright Side.
Parenting mistake No. 1: Programming for success
Very often, parents ignore an important aspect of communication — the signals we send to our children with our words and actions. These signals program the children for many years to come.
Here are a few examples of the stereotypes in people’s minds and the feelings that impact their future.
- A woman was offered a promotion, she got ill and didn’t show up for work, so a different person got the position. It turned out that in her childhood, her parents gave her too much work to do. When she was in elementary school, she had a little sister and all the parents’ attention switched to her. She, as the older sister, often had to look after the little one and she soon realized that the only way to be the center of her parents’ attention was to get ill. When she grew up, she continued to hide in illness, being afraid of responsibility.
- A man was a good student, but his career wasn’t very successful: he spent 7 years doing the same job. It turned out that when he was a child, he was never praised for his successes, but was always criticized for the failures. He tried to avoid mistakes by all means possible, so he did everything slowly and never expressed himself fully.
- A woman often gets herself into unpleasant situations: she found bad jobs and she met bad men. It turned out that in her childhood, her parents taught her to not trust her gut. Some parents don’t value kids’ emotional reactions. Whatever children say about their feelings is denied and laughed at. As a result, kids become adults who don’t trust their own feelings and emotions.
Parenting mistake No. 2: Destructive phrases
In fact, providing for our children is our responsibility. Whether you do it or not is your choice, but you can’t demand any special gratitude for that from your kids. Forget phrases like, “We’ve done so much for you and you…”.
Take responsibility for how much you do for your kid. More than other families? Great. Just accept the fact that you do it because you want to. The thing is, gratitude and respect for parents don’t depend on the level of income of a certain family.
Parenting mistake No. 3: Trying to raise the best student or a champion
There are 2 dangerous strategies when it comes to raising a neurotic person:
Champions, who obsess and become neurotic about their focus, are raised in families where the parents have achieved certain successes and they want their children to do the same. Or a family where a mother or a father dreamed about something, but couldn’t achieve it and want their children to do it for them. Future champions spend their day training and studying, and they don’t have enough time to live. The pressure on them is immense and they believe they will be happy only when they reach their goal.
- Raising a perfect student is a more popular strategy, but it’s no less dangerous. Nowadays, parents start teaching their kids everything at a very early age. It’s not the right thing to do, because you overload children’s brains. By doing so, we don’t let our children make mistakes, we tell them to be the best and this usually doesn’t end well.
- Don’t impose strict schedules on your children. They will only help you raise an unhappy person with a bleak childhood. Give your children some free time where they can do nothing at all. Doing nothing is just as important as studying. This is the time to watch the sky, dance, and live. This is how creativity is born.